• Registered: 2022-01-21
  • Posts: 382

Re: Your jokes

So the limerick illustrates, by ending with an eye rhyme of 'Rome' and 'home', one if the many inconsistencies in the pronunciation of English words.

Is it funny, though - the intent of this thread?
Do we first need to examine the rational of every post, to see what is the quirk that makes us laugh? Is every post from your goodself to be coloured by reference to your language interests?

Let's get back to jokes only, or people won't bother to look at it!

If we don't actually laugh at it - it has no place here!

  • Registered: 2022-01-21
  • Posts: 1,186

Re: Your jokes

Well i thought it was funny.

Alright, one of my own jokes, from long ago.

"Excuse me, do you know the origin of the word 'malapropism'?
"Alas, no, I don't"
"Oh, I am surprised, as you are an entomologist."

William

  • Registered: 2022-01-21
  • Posts: 1,186

Re: Your jokes

A new one.

"Do you know the differences between the typefaces Bembo and Poliphilus?"
"Also, no"
"Oh, that's strange as you are studying the topography of Italy."

William

  • Registered: 2022-01-21
  • Posts: 202

Re: Your jokes

jackneve wrote:

Punny Pete >Scarlett Overkill<

Took me a while to see it,  so you need to enlarge it.

Nice, though!

Punny Pete is a Facebook page I follow, and frequently share. Always lots to make me http://www.millan.net/minimations/smileys/coffeescreen.gif and http://www.millan.net/minimations/smileys/groooansmileyf.gif.

"I meant," said Ipslore bitterly, "what is there in this world that truly makes living worthwhile?"
Death thought about it.
"Cats," he said eventually. "Cats are nice."
Terry Pratchett, Sourcery
  • Registered: 2022-01-21
  • Posts: 1,186

Re: Your jokes

A man walks into a pub leading a white horse.
The barman says "There's a drink named after you"
And the horse says "How do you know my name is Shandy?"

William

  • Registered: 2022-01-21
  • Posts: 382

Re: Your jokes

A man leading a white horse walks into the bar of the literary agents club.
The barman says "There's a drink named after you"
And the horse says "How do you know my name is Tristram?"

  • Registered: 2022-01-21
  • Posts: 382

Re: Your jokes

A genii walks into a pub, and declares he is very thirsty.
The barman says "There's a drink named after you."
The genii says "What's that, then?
The barman says "A dry djinn"

An original, mine, just now.

  • Registered: 2022-01-21
  • Posts: 202

Re: Your jokes

jackneve wrote:

A genii walks into a pub, and declares he is very thirsty.
The barman says "There's a drink named after you."
The genii says "What's that, then?
The barman says "A dry djinn"

An original, mine, just now.

https://punster.me/images/laugh.gif

"I meant," said Ipslore bitterly, "what is there in this world that truly makes living worthwhile?"
Death thought about it.
"Cats," he said eventually. "Cats are nice."
Terry Pratchett, Sourcery
  • Registered: 2022-01-21
  • Posts: 202

Re: Your jokes

Just seen this online. This would be me. However, it is unlikely that goal would be reached.  https://punster.me/images/laugh.gif

Just spent 45 minutes on the treadmill. Tomorrow, my goal is to turn it on.

"I meant," said Ipslore bitterly, "what is there in this world that truly makes living worthwhile?"
Death thought about it.
"Cats," he said eventually. "Cats are nice."
Terry Pratchett, Sourcery
  • Alfred
  • Alfred
  • Administrator
  • Offline
  • Registered: 2022-01-21
  • Posts: 1,078

Re: Your jokes

KarenPL wrote:

Just seen this online. This would be me. However, it is unlikely that goal would be reached.  https://punster.me/images/laugh.gif

Just spent 45 minutes on the treadmill. Tomorrow, my goal is to turn it on.

https://punster.me/images/laugh.gif

“Within you, there is a stillness and a sanctuary to which you can retreat at any time and be yourself.”
― Hermann Hesse
  • Alfred
  • Alfred
  • Administrator
  • Offline
  • Registered: 2022-01-21
  • Posts: 1,078

Re: Your jokes

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/FJvahj4WQAMPO-G?format=jpg&amp;name=medium

“Within you, there is a stillness and a sanctuary to which you can retreat at any time and be yourself.”
― Hermann Hesse
  • Registered: 2022-01-21
  • Posts: 202

Re: Your jokes

Alfred wrote:

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/FJvahj4WQAMPO-G?format=jpg&amp;name=medium

https://punster.me/images/whistling.gif  https://punster.me/images/innocent.gif

"I meant," said Ipslore bitterly, "what is there in this world that truly makes living worthwhile?"
Death thought about it.
"Cats," he said eventually. "Cats are nice."
Terry Pratchett, Sourcery
  • Registered: 2022-01-21
  • Posts: 382

Re: Your jokes

Lady, to waiter: "My meal tastes like old boots!"

Waiter: "But Madam, you ordered Beef Wellington!"

From today's Daily Mail, Peterborough column, contrib. Andrew Parton

  • Registered: 2022-01-21
  • Posts: 382

Re: Your jokes

https://i.postimg.cc/0rCZ6dXC/image-2022-01-25-110617.png

  • Registered: 2022-01-21
  • Posts: 382

Re: Your jokes

Revised joke:
It was:

jackneve wrote:
A genii walks into a pub, and declares he is very thirsty.
The barman says "There's a drink named after you."
The genii says "What's that, then?
The barman says "A dry djinn"

An original, mine, just now.

I've expanded a bit, to give it more "meat!"

The pub landlady bought an old brass oil lamp in a junk shop.
She got busy with the Brasso and a soft cloth, and was amazed when a genii materialised from the spout.
"Gosh," she exclaimed, being a posh lady, "how did you fit in there?"
"Ah, said the genii " I had to get rid of all my corporeal water."
The landlady said: "I suppose you must be very thirsty."
The landlord came in at this moment, and seeing the genii exclaimed "I have drink named after you."
"What's that?" asked the genii.
"Oh," said the landlord, "a dry djinn!"

  • Registered: 2022-01-21
  • Posts: 382

Re: Your jokes

The  landlady of the last anecdote had just previously served a gentleman, noted for his corpulent build, with several pints of Guinness.
He watched with amazement the appearance of the genii, and  was so shocked, he fell over.
Result: Collapse of stout party!

  • Registered: 2022-01-21
  • Posts: 202

Re: Your jokes

jackneve wrote:

Revised joke:
It was:

jackneve wrote:
A genii walks into a pub, and declares he is very thirsty.
The barman says "There's a drink named after you."
The genii says "What's that, then?
The barman says "A dry djinn"

An original, mine, just now.

I've expanded a bit, to give it more "meat!"

The pub landlady bought an old brass oil lamp in a junk shop.
She got busy with the Brasso and a soft cloth, and was amazed when a genii materialised from the spout.
"Gosh," she exclaimed, being a posh lady, "how did you fit in there?"
"Ah, said the genii " I had to get rid of all my corporeal water."
The landlady said: "I suppose you must be very thirsty."
The landlord came in at this moment, and seeing the genii exclaimed "I have drink named after you."
"What's that?" asked the genii.
"Oh," said the landlord, "a dry djinn!"

https://punster.me/images/thumbup1.gif  https://punster.me/images/laugh.gif

"I meant," said Ipslore bitterly, "what is there in this world that truly makes living worthwhile?"
Death thought about it.
"Cats," he said eventually. "Cats are nice."
Terry Pratchett, Sourcery
  • Registered: 2022-01-21
  • Posts: 382

Re: Your jokes

You Don’t Look Jewish
A woman on a train walked up to a man across the table. “Excuse me,” she said, “but are you Jewish?”
“No,” replied the man.
A few minutes later the woman returned. “Excuse me,” she said again, “are you sure you’re not Jewish?”
“I’m sure,” said the man.
But the woman was not convinced, and a few minutes later she approached him a third time. “Are you absolutely sure you’re not Jewish?” she asked.
“All right, all right,” the man said. “You win. I’m Jewish.”
“That’s funny,” said the woman.” You don’t look Jewish.”

  • Registered: 2022-01-21
  • Posts: 382

Re: Your jokes

I thought this little video (less than two minutes) was worth watching to help understand what we mean by Jewish humour (Especially American).
You might be shocked!

https://www.myjewishlearning.com/articl … ish-humor/

  • Registered: 2022-01-21
  • Posts: 382

Re: Your jokes

Man walks into a bar in Oz, and says: "Give me a koala."
The barman says: "Mate, don't you mean a Cola?"
"No," the man replies, "life is hard at the moment, and I can only just bear it!"

Another original, just composed by me.

  • Registered: 2022-01-21
  • Posts: 202

Re: Your jokes

jackneve wrote:

Man walks into a bar in Oz, and says: "Give me a koala."
The barman says: "Mate, don't you mean a Cola?"
"No," the man replies, "life is hard at the moment, and I can only just bear it!"

Another original, just composed by me.

http://www.millan.net/minimations/smileys/groooansmileyf.gif

We lived in Australia for a few years when I was nobbut a bairn, and I can remember seeing koalas. People often think they are quite cutesy little creatures, but they can be right little beggars!

"I meant," said Ipslore bitterly, "what is there in this world that truly makes living worthwhile?"
Death thought about it.
"Cats," he said eventually. "Cats are nice."
Terry Pratchett, Sourcery
  • Alfred
  • Alfred
  • Administrator
  • Offline
  • Registered: 2022-01-21
  • Posts: 1,078

Re: Your jokes

KarenPL wrote:

People often think they are quite cutesy little creatures

Hardly surprising, really.

https://imgk.timesnownews.com/story/Screenshot_1323.png?tr=w-600,h-450,fo-auto

“Within you, there is a stillness and a sanctuary to which you can retreat at any time and be yourself.”
― Hermann Hesse
  • Registered: 2022-01-21
  • Posts: 202

Re: Your jokes

https://punster.me/images/biggrin.gif
https://i.postimg.cc/svv9J7zJ/583-A66-B6-6-B16-4865-8473-8993-A5-BC9-A84.jpg

"I meant," said Ipslore bitterly, "what is there in this world that truly makes living worthwhile?"
Death thought about it.
"Cats," he said eventually. "Cats are nice."
Terry Pratchett, Sourcery

49 Reply by jackneve (edited by jackneve 2022-01-26 11:15:34)

  • Registered: 2022-01-21
  • Posts: 382

Re: Your jokes

A couple of 10mm bolts were chatting at the bar. One says to the other: "You know, if you've got the wherewithal, you can get anything you want."
"Yes," says the other, "Money torx!"

Mine own, just now.

  • Registered: 2022-01-21
  • Posts: 382

Re: Your jokes

Crime latest! Mentally challenged man enters garden, and assaults lady hanging out the laundry, then flees!

Unwoke junior editor on local paper, short on headline space, puts:
"Nut screws washer and bolts."

If this is too strong for this forum, moderator delete it.