An independent forum site for members of the Serif software community
You are not logged in. Please login or register.
Automated signup has been disabled for these forums. If you wish to register, please send an email to admin[at]punster[dot]me stating your preferred username.
Embedded images: Click on the 
Add image to post link below the message box. Your photo will be uploaded to the postimage website and then shared here via a thumbnail link. Click on the thumbnail for a larger view.
Private messages: There is no pop-up alert for new PMs on these forums, so you need to look out for the PM link (near the top right-hand corner of any forum page) becoming bold.
Alfred's Serif Users' Forums → General Discussion → Your jokes
https://inquisitivebiologist.com/2019/0 … -proximite
From a comic strip on-line:
He believes in reincarnation
from : jmarkoff2 about 2 hours ago, @zzeek
“It’s true!” Harrison Smedley cried, looking up at last from the tomes over which he had pored for years.“Reincarnation is true, and I shall prove it!”
Before his wife could stop him, he walked off the balcony of their fifteenth-floor apartment and plunged smiling to his death.
He was right. The very next day, someone bought him and wore him for a boutonniere.
wore him for a boutonniere
I presume this is some pun of carnation.
I've concluded that the USA is the nearest thing to it.
Correct.
A carnation flower is often worn as a "boutonniere" in the lapel button hole of a formal suit jacket, what the Americans call a tuxedo, and in the UK is known as a dinner jacket or black tie (I think the latter is correct).
Wasn't sure whether to post under science!
Be aware it’s the Ides of March!
An American comedian on the Johnny Carson show
Buddy Hackett's Duck Joke Has Everyone Rolling | Carson Tonight Show
The Duck joke's punchline which had everybody in stitches was either very predictable, or I didn't understand it?
As it happens, there is a programme on BBC 4 tonight at 21.00 about the Bayeux Tapestry, if anyone is interested. Mysteries of the Bayeux Tapestry. Somehow I suspect 'Medieval Knievel is unlikely to feature. 
As it happens, there is a programme on BBC 4 tonight at 21.00 about the Bayeux Tapestry, if anyone is interested. Mysteries of the Bayeux Tapestry.
Thanks, Karen. I might try to watch it tonight or (more likely!) on BBC iPlayer at some point in the near future.
Somehow I suspect 'Medieval Knievel is unlikely to feature.
Somehow I suspect you may be right!
The Duck joke's punchline which had everybody in stitches was either very predictable, or I didn't understand it?
Very old joke, and very predictable. Like all jokes "It's the way you tell 'em."
BTW, the DT TV critic says that they recreated the dyes used in the Bayeux Tapestry, and they are amazing. Going to watch that tonight, and miss Midsomer Murders, our usual fare. Then again, we won't miss it - work that out!
BTW, the DT TV critic says that they recreated the dyes used in the Bayeux Tapestry, and they are amazing. Going to watch that tonight, and miss Midsomer Murders, our usual fare. Then again, we won't miss it - work that out!
I haven't got around to watching it yet as the OH took me out for a meal after spending a couple of days working out tidying up the back garden meant I was feeling more than a bit cream-crackered. 
The dyes from way back are really excellent, bearing in mind they were all natural rather than the synthetics of more recent times. I'm looking forward to watching it later.
We can record up to two programmes on our Freesat, so long as we are not trying to watch a third channel at the same time, so not sure if that might be how you can miss, yet still watch Midsomer Murders?
A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY.
The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game.
The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun.
He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and vice versa."
Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep.
The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500."
This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.
The lawyer asks the first question.
"What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"
The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5 bill and hands it to the lawyer.
"Okay" says the lawyer, "your turn."
She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?"
The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references, no answer.
He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the library of congress, no answer.
Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail.
After an hour, he wakes the blonde, and hands her $500.
The blonde says, "Thank you," and turns back to get some more sleep.
The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?"
Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.
And you thought blondes were dumb.
If a drummer comes out of retirement, will there be repercussions?
If a drummer comes out of retirement, will there be repercussions?
Lost on me Alfred. Who are Peter and Julia?
Who are Peter and Julia?
Does it matter? The joke is the intention of the lady to derive dialogue from the discomfort of their hosts.
Sorry Jack, it's way over my head. I just don't get the joke.
Alfred's Serif Users' Forums → General Discussion → Your jokes
Powered by PunBB, supported by Informer Technologies, Inc.
