Re: Your jokes

ericlnz wrote:

Thanks Alfred for your explanation.  I didn't realise that the person on the right, standing in what appears to be a garden, is meant to be the devil.

That’s a fair point, Eric. He could have been a bit more — or a lot more! — red, and the grey stuff rising from the ground around him could have been more smoke-like.

"Has it ever struck you that life is all memory, except for the one present moment that goes by you so quick you hardly catch it going?"
― Tennessee Williams

152

Re: Your jokes

I think Jack does too many cryptic crosswords!

Re: Your jokes

I've all but given up on this joke thread, far too complex for me I'm afraid.

154

Re: Your jokes

A number of years ago new neighbours moved in next door to us. A couple of weeks later the neighbour came round and asked how many rolls of wallpaper would he need to decorate the sitting room. I said 12. Two weeks later he comes back and says he's got 4 rolls left over. I told him I did too.

I used to be indecisive, now I'm not so sure.

Re: Your jokes

Reminds me of the two Ronnies sketch, https://youtu.be/SbOtiggTSNg?t=292

Re: Your jokes

I've probably told this one before.

You remember the Bible story of Noah and the Ark.  Well it doesn't tell you that it nearly sank.  A few weeks at sea and it developed a hole in one of the timbers.  Noah grabbed one of the dogs and pushed its nose into the hole.  That was okay for a while but then the hole got bigger.  So he got Mrs Noah to block the hole with her hand.  But again the hole got bigger so in desperation he sat in the hole.

The Ark was saved but as a result, even today, dogs have cold noses, women have cold hands, and men always stand with their backs to a fire.

Re: Your jokes

https://punster.me/images/myopera/myg/haha.gif

https://i.postimg.cc/qtCbZFz2/96283729-2629802917293212-3052514251760467968-n.jpg

"I meant," said Ipslore bitterly, "what is there in this world that truly makes living worthwhile?"
Death thought about it.
"Cats," he said eventually. "Cats are nice."
Terry Pratchett, Sourcery

Re: Your jokes

Instructor: "Welcome to salsa class! Who's ready to learn how to dance?"

Me, hiding tortilla chips bag: "There's been a misunderstanding."

"Has it ever struck you that life is all memory, except for the one present moment that goes by you so quick you hardly catch it going?"
― Tennessee Williams

Re: Your jokes

https://i.postimg.cc/MfxJ5H1z/B6-F65-BC4-9-D4-C-45-A1-8-AA4-7710194-EC695.jpg

"I meant," said Ipslore bitterly, "what is there in this world that truly makes living worthwhile?"
Death thought about it.
"Cats," he said eventually. "Cats are nice."
Terry Pratchett, Sourcery

Re: Your jokes

KarenPL wrote:

https://i.postimg.cc/MfxJ5H1z/B6-F65-BC4-9-D4-C-45-A1-8-AA4-7710194-EC695.jpg

https://punster.me/images/biggrin.gif

"Has it ever struck you that life is all memory, except for the one present moment that goes by you so quick you hardly catch it going?"
― Tennessee Williams

Re: Your jokes

As a Night Owl reader this hits the mark. https://punster.me/images/devil2.gif

https://i.postimg.cc/hXXWwgmR/11238226-10206684429330267-2302922634720944781-o.jpg

"I meant," said Ipslore bitterly, "what is there in this world that truly makes living worthwhile?"
Death thought about it.
"Cats," he said eventually. "Cats are nice."
Terry Pratchett, Sourcery

Re: Your jokes

https://i.imgflip.com/x8v16.jpg

"Has it ever struck you that life is all memory, except for the one present moment that goes by you so quick you hardly catch it going?"
― Tennessee Williams

Re: Your jokes

I think they need a few more yet. big_smile

Alfred wrote:

https://i.imgflip.com/x8v16.jpg

"I meant," said Ipslore bitterly, "what is there in this world that truly makes living worthwhile?"
Death thought about it.
"Cats," he said eventually. "Cats are nice."
Terry Pratchett, Sourcery

164 (edited by GB 2022-05-23 04:22:48)

Re: Your jokes

But that is a start.

I remember, from many years ago, hearing the cacophony of caws at the top end of Streatham Common  coming from hundreds of crows. I see from Google Earth that the trees are still there. I wonder if the crows are too.

Re: Your jokes

Caw, stone the crows!

Re: Your jokes

https://i.postimg.cc/47YFgbmv/278704829-4855726741210830-4943116719090025170-n.jpg

"I meant," said Ipslore bitterly, "what is there in this world that truly makes living worthwhile?"
Death thought about it.
"Cats," he said eventually. "Cats are nice."
Terry Pratchett, Sourcery

Re: Your jokes

KarenPL wrote:

https://i.postimg.cc/47YFgbmv/278704829-4855726741210830-4943116719090025170-n.jpg

https://www.millan.net/minimations/smileys/groooansmileyf.gif

"Has it ever struck you that life is all memory, except for the one present moment that goes by you so quick you hardly catch it going?"
― Tennessee Williams

Re: Your jokes

https://i.postimg.cc/crqrnDZ4/193361916-275179080774722-1318678370908470402-n.jpg

"I meant," said Ipslore bitterly, "what is there in this world that truly makes living worthwhile?"
Death thought about it.
"Cats," he said eventually. "Cats are nice."
Terry Pratchett, Sourcery

Re: Your jokes

This  Youtube video was posted in the  Serif Lounge, and while many people look at both forums, I am sure several don't. I very seldom go there nowadays, but looking today, I thought this video  was worth posting here for those like me who wouldn't see it.

Don't get your hackles up, watch to the end.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Lyex2tSUyA

Re: Your jokes

Goes to show how a speech impediment can get you into all kinds of trouble - thanks Jack for the reminder.

171 (edited by jackneve 2022-06-06 13:11:48)

Re: Your jokes

From the age of about 6 I have had a stammer, stutter, or whatever one might call the effect.  Some periods in  my life it has been troublesome, others it has faded away, and I could speak clearly.

Once I was to address a daunting number of engineers and managers at the Royal Aircraft Establishment, Farnborough, setting out, I seem to remember,  the method of providing TT&C for the new projected satellite X4. I stepped up to the dais, said Good Morning, and launched into the explanation.  I overcame my stammer by concentrating on the job, and was pleased with the result. That wasn't the only time I had a similar experience.

I think the initial cause was being suddenly removed twice from safe and happy evacuation billets and taken home to London with no notice.  At a lecture on the disability, I learnt that the stammerer will increase the air pressure in the mouth  by locking the front part of the mouth and pushing from the lungs. The figure given may have been as high as 20psi, I can't remember.

Sorry this is off topic - maybe wryly ameliorated by the way some people tend to laugh at a sufferer's attempts to get out out words staring with certain sounds. I find it hard to say hard "j"s, my own name!

Re: Your jokes

https://i.postimg.cc/hJc7gnt5/191440873-4205055006182636-599891468792369638-n.jpg

"I meant," said Ipslore bitterly, "what is there in this world that truly makes living worthwhile?"
Death thought about it.
"Cats," he said eventually. "Cats are nice."
Terry Pratchett, Sourcery

Re: Your jokes

https://i.postimg.cc/47sDwKcX/174044163-4066022726752532-8278528796039304805-n.jpg

"I meant," said Ipslore bitterly, "what is there in this world that truly makes living worthwhile?"
Death thought about it.
"Cats," he said eventually. "Cats are nice."
Terry Pratchett, Sourcery

174

Re: Your jokes

Karen,

There's nothing there.

175 (edited by Joe 2022-06-09 17:42:02)

Re: Your jokes

There's nothing there.

I see it OK using firefox. Is there some problem with your browser?

I used to be indecisive, now I'm not so sure.