The hijackers obviously had a clean getaway.

Boom!!   

A man starts work in a zoo. It’s a big zoo so they give him a golf buggy to drive between the different parts of the site.

Anyway, he’s in the bird house. He finishes what he’s doing and gets into the golf buggy. But because he’s not used to it, he accidentally puts it into reverse.

Suddenly he hears a *thump*.

He climbs out of the golf buggy and realizes he’s run over a chaffinch.

Not wanting to get into trouble, he decides to dispose of the body. So he drives over to the lion enclosure, and chucks the chaffinch’s body over the fence, in the hope that the lions will eat the evidence.

Anyway, later, he’s in the monkey house. He finishes what he’s doing and gets into the golf buggy. The same thing happens and he accidentally puts it into reverse again.

Sure enough, he hears another *thump*.

He climbs out of the golf buggy again, and this time he’s run over a couple of chimpanzees.

He drives over to the lion enclosure again, and chucks the chimpanzee bodies over the fence, in the hope that the lions will eat the evidence.

Anyway, later, he’s in the insect house. He finishes what he’s doing and gets back into the golf buggy. Inevitably, he accidentally puts it into reverse again.

*Thump*.

This time, he’s run over a bees’ nest and crushed all the bees into a gooey paste.

He scoops up the mess, drives over to the lion enclosure, and chucks it all over the fence.

The next day a new lion arrives at the zoo.

‘Alright?’ he says to the other lions. ‘Alright?’, they reply.

‘What’s this zoo like then?’, he asks. ‘It’s OK’ they reply.

‘What’s the food like?’

‘It’s OK. Yesterday, we had finch, chimps and mushy bees’.

I've just come across this absolutely hilarious BBC video of a few years ago. I can't think why it was banned. I am a rugby fan, having been introduced to the game as teenager, after I left school, when I worked in Bristol. About half the team I played for were Welsh, for whom, of course, Rugby is almost a religion. I am English, and I suppose it would be England I would support in any International. But I really don't think any England fan would be the least offended by this video. It's also obvious that there is zero malice intended by the various national supporters featured. Indeed I don't think any true rugby fan cares overmuch who wins (so long as it's not ......) provided it's a good game. There's always next year!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UmkbJlYx1v8
Supporters of what other sport would find such a video so funny?
Geoff

The Borowitz Report: Trump Forced to Sell Prized Collection of House Republicans

I am finding a new use for puns. I have become involved in an organization that matches Ukrainians with English speakers/teachers to polish/learn their English speaking skills. My student actually lives here in Britain at the moment. Her English is really very good; better, in fact, than that of some people I know , but she just needs to gain confidence.

I showed her this one and she got it as quickly as I did. I think it is quite a fun way to realise you know words and their meanings, really rather sophisticated in some ways.

One day a barber gave a haircut to a priest. When the priest tried to pay for it the barber refused, saying, “You do God’s work.”

The next morning the barber found a dozen bibles at the door to his shop.

A policeman came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused to let him pay, saying, “You protect the public.”

The next morning the barber found a dozen doughnuts at the door to his shop.

A lawyer came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused payment, saying, “You serve the justice system.”

The next morning the barber found a dozen lawyers waiting for a free haircut.

When a boy told the teacher that his dad is a magician, the teacher asked what magic tricks his dad could perform and the boy said that he could saw people in half. The teacher asked the boy if he has any siblings and the boy said he had one half sister and two half brothers.