Re: Your jokes

From the internet,  https://upjoke.com/restaurant-jokes

The owner of a seafood restaurant sends one of his sons undercover to his rival's restaurant
The owner tells him to get a job as a cook, and figure out the recipe for his rival's famous clam chowder.

The first day, the son comes home with a basic list of ingredients that the rival uses. They try making it, but it doesn't turn out the same. The owner sends him back.

The second day, the son comes home having watched the rival chef prepare the chowder. They try again to make it, and it's close, but the consistency is off, it's too watery. They try to figure out what they're doing wrong, and the son realizes that he was distracted for a minute while the chef did something.

"He must have added a secret ingredient, one not on the list, while you looked away!" concludes the owner. He sends his son back for a third day, this time telling him not to take his eyes off the chef for a second.

The son comes back the next day excited.

"You'll never believe what I saw!" he says. "He did have a secret ingredient, it's a piece of paper!"

"A piece of paper?"

"Yeah, he keeps a stack of printed paper in the kitchen. It's a bunch of Wikipedia articles he's printed out, of various movies. When he makes the chowder, he tears out the synopsis of a movie from one of the articles and puts it in. It's the strangest thing, but that's the secret ingredient."

"Ah," says the owner, "the plot thickens."

Re: Your jokes

Another, [ibid]

A man walks into his favorite restaurant…
He sits down and orders a medium rare ribeye steak. As he’s eating, he looks up and sees a woman giving him a dirty look. The man assumes the woman is a vegetarian since she is only eating a large bowl of salad and greens.
The man tries to ignore her but after a few uncomfortable minutes he puts down his fork and turns to her.

“What!?” He asks indignantly.
She says: “Do you know a cow died so you could have that steak?” .
The man looks down at her plate and then back at her, and replies: “I know a cow died. Because you ate all his food!”

Re: Your jokes

Wanted JOKES, old,  new, invented or used.
Preferably rib-ticklers,
Puns welcomed, real groaners especially.

Apply underneath.

Re: Your jokes

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/FKC_3VnWUAIiTEv?format=jpg&name=small

"Has it ever struck you that life is all memory, except for the one present moment that goes by you so quick you hardly catch it going?"
― Tennessee Williams

Re: Your jokes

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/FKGqxwTWYAIl5Pb?format=jpg&name=900x900

"Has it ever struck you that life is all memory, except for the one present moment that goes by you so quick you hardly catch it going?"
― Tennessee Williams

Re: Your jokes

https://punster.me/images/myopera/myg/haha.gif https://punster.me/images/myopera/myg/haha.gif https://punster.me/images/myopera/myg/haha.gif

https://i.postimg.cc/JysL6X5J/257148048-4712962352058563-5949266351576851543-n.jpg

~PUNdora

"I meant," said Ipslore bitterly, "what is there in this world that truly makes living worthwhile?"
Death thought about it.
"Cats," he said eventually. "Cats are nice."
Terry Pratchett, Sourcery

57 (edited by Joe 2022-01-28 19:50:30)

Re: Your jokes

It has to happen.


https://i.postimg.cc/0rHcdc4R/truck.jpg

I used to be indecisive, now I'm not so sure.

Re: Your jokes

Yup!  https://punster.me/images/thumbup1.gif

https://i.postimg.cc/G8qSkHD5/12647478-726180250816919-4945453294945731658-n.jpg

"I meant," said Ipslore bitterly, "what is there in this world that truly makes living worthwhile?"
Death thought about it.
"Cats," he said eventually. "Cats are nice."
Terry Pratchett, Sourcery

59 (edited by KarenPL 2022-01-29 14:26:33)

Re: Your jokes

https://i.postimg.cc/JDLyC5p9/256749163-4715629328458532-7518494620328517400-n.jpg

~PUNdora

"I meant," said Ipslore bitterly, "what is there in this world that truly makes living worthwhile?"
Death thought about it.
"Cats," he said eventually. "Cats are nice."
Terry Pratchett, Sourcery

Re: Your jokes

KarenPL wrote:

https://i.postimg.cc/JDLyC5p9/256749163-4715629328458532-7518494620328517400-n.jpg

~PUNdora

https://www.millan.net/minimations/smileys/groooansmileyf.gif

"Has it ever struck you that life is all memory, except for the one present moment that goes by you so quick you hardly catch it going?"
― Tennessee Williams

Re: Your jokes

Joe wrote:

It has to happen.


https://i.postimg.cc/0rHcdc4R/truck.jpg

I was driving along old sixty-six
And I stopped for a bite to eat
I'd been driving along for quite a while
I thought I'd rest my feet
But when I left the diner
What did I surely find
My semi gone to Los Angeles
Leaving me behind


William

Re: Your jokes

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/FKSLpuGXsAYsP_e?format=jpg&name=small

"Has it ever struck you that life is all memory, except for the one present moment that goes by you so quick you hardly catch it going?"
― Tennessee Williams

Re: Your jokes

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/FKMaeCtWUAM1Egt?format=jpg&name=900x900

"Has it ever struck you that life is all memory, except for the one present moment that goes by you so quick you hardly catch it going?"
― Tennessee Williams

Re: Your jokes

https://i.postimg.cc/FYw6fH1m/DF1708-DC-4-E0-A-4-BE3-981-C-6410-B6170-F3-F.jpg
>Scarlett Overkill<

"I meant," said Ipslore bitterly, "what is there in this world that truly makes living worthwhile?"
Death thought about it.
"Cats," he said eventually. "Cats are nice."
Terry Pratchett, Sourcery

Re: Your jokes

https://punster.me/images/laugh.gif https://punster.me/images/laugh.gifhttps://punster.me/images/laugh.gif

https://i.postimg.cc/DWLkYCS8/2-C85181-B-6350-4-C7-A-8-E7-C-C9008-DAC28-EA.jpg

"I meant," said Ipslore bitterly, "what is there in this world that truly makes living worthwhile?"
Death thought about it.
"Cats," he said eventually. "Cats are nice."
Terry Pratchett, Sourcery

Re: Your jokes

Royal Mail are using a sheep to advertise postage stamps with barcodes.

William

67 (edited by William 2022-02-06 09:03:24)

Re: Your jokes

Baa baa cartoon sheep
Please tell us what you know
Postage stamps with barcodes
Four new ones in a row

William

Re: Your jokes

William wrote:

Royal Mail are using a sheep to advertise postage stamps with barcodes.

William

I think you misspelled ‘baa-codes’! https://punster.me/images/biggrin.gif

"Has it ever struck you that life is all memory, except for the one present moment that goes by you so quick you hardly catch it going?"
― Tennessee Williams

Re: Your jokes

How true of Cornwall

https://i.postimg.cc/4KtQ8yT6/2022-02-06-092714.jpg

Always searching for the keys of knowledge

Re: Your jokes

A postage stamp,  with a representation
Of a sheep well furnished  in wool
Is it now preferred by the nation?
Do we all think it looks cool?

To put on your letters postal
A stamp is quite the thing
Unless your thinking is hostile
You'd rather a touch more bling...

And more in a similar vein, as the phlebotomist said to the patient....

Re: Your jokes

The phlebotomist said "Don't cringe"
For jabs, you must have twain
As in your arm I plunge my syringe.
There will be more in a similar vein,

Re: Your jokes

Alfred wrote:
William wrote:

Royal Mail are using a sheep to advertise postage stamps with barcodes.

William

I think you misspelled ‘baa-codes’! https://punster.me/images/biggrin.gif

https://www.millan.net/minimations/smileys/groooansmileyf.gif

"I meant," said Ipslore bitterly, "what is there in this world that truly makes living worthwhile?"
Death thought about it.
"Cats," he said eventually. "Cats are nice."
Terry Pratchett, Sourcery

73 (edited by KarenPL 2022-02-06 13:51:20)

Re: Your jokes

Seen elsewhere. https://punster.me/images/myopera/myg/haha.gifhttps://punster.me/images/myopera/myg/haha.gifhttps://punster.me/images/myopera/myg/haha.gif

I have been in many places, but I've never been in Cahoots.  Apparently, you can't go alone. You have to be in Cahoots with someone.
I've also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there.
I have, however, been in Sane. They don't have an airport; you have to be driven there.  I have made several trips there, thanks to my friends, my colleagues, and my kids.
I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump,  and I'm not too much on physical activity anymore.
I have also been in Doubt.  That is a sad place to go, and I try not to visit there too often.
I've been in Flexible, but only when it was very important to stand firm.
Sometimes I'm in Capable, and I go there more often as I'm getting older.
One of my favorite places to be is in Suspense! It really gets the adrenalin flowing and pumps up the old heart! At my  age I need all the stimuli I can get!
I may have been in Continent, and I don't remember what country I was in. It's an age thing.

"I meant," said Ipslore bitterly, "what is there in this world that truly makes living worthwhile?"
Death thought about it.
"Cats," he said eventually. "Cats are nice."
Terry Pratchett, Sourcery

Re: Your jokes

KarenPL wrote:

Seen elsewhere. https://punster.me/images/myopera/myg/haha.gifhttps://punster.me/images/myopera/myg/haha.gifhttps://punster.me/images/myopera/myg/haha.gif

I have been in many places, but I've never been in Cahoots.  Apparently, you can't go alone. You have to be in Cahoots with someone.
I've also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there.
I have, however, been in Sane. They don't have an airport; you have to be driven there.  I have made several trips there, thanks to my friends, my colleagues, and my kids.
I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump,  and I'm not too much on physical activity anymore.
I have also been in Doubt.  That is a sad place to go, and I try not to visit there too often.
I've been in Flexible, but only when it was very important to stand firm.
Sometimes I'm in Capable, and I go there more often as I'm getting older.
One of my favorite places to be is in Suspense! It really gets the adrenalin flowing and pumps up the old heart! At my  age I need all the stimuli I can get!
I may have been in Continent, and I don't remember what country I was in. It's an age thing.

https://punster.me/images/rotfl.gif

"Has it ever struck you that life is all memory, except for the one present moment that goes by you so quick you hardly catch it going?"
― Tennessee Williams

Re: Your jokes

I have  been in tuition.

I had a feeling about it.

William