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Alfred's Serif Users' Forums → General Discussion → Your jokes
Tina Turner only buys her paint from yard sales; it’s better for the environment to get a second-hand emulsion.
Why did the golfer bring an extra pair of pants?
In case he got a hole in one.
Why did the golfer bring an extra pair of pants?
In case he got a hole in one.
Yodelling auditions start in three hours. Please form an orderly orderly orderly queue.
Q: What do you call a man who knows how to yodel but doesn’t?
A: A good neighbour.
A lone cowboy that nobody knew walks into a saloon one morning.
He orders two drinks, which he downs slowly. When he is done with his drinks, he pays the bartender and walks out of the saloon. He sees that his horse with all his stuff is missing.
He turns around, walks back into the bar, pulls his guns from his holster and shoots them in the air.
"Whichever one of you cow dung stole my horse, better have it back by the time I finish my next drink, otherwise I am going to have to do what I did in Texas. And trust me, I don’t want to ever do that again."
He walks back to the bar, gets another drink, and slowly drinks it. The people in the bar start murmuring, talking amongst themselves and looking at the stranger with fear in their eyes.
The stranger finishes his drink, walks out, and his horse is there where he left it. When he climbs up on it, the bartender and the bar patrons run out after him.
The bartender says, "Mister, we’re sorry for what happened. But please tell us what happened in Texas after somebody stole your horse!"
The stranger looks at him and says, "I had to walk home."
It was a dark and stormy night. A man rushed into a roadside bar and demanded a drink. Two of them.
The bartender said, “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
The man replied, “It was terrible. My car broke down at the side of the road. I needed a ride, but it was so foggy. Finally a car appeared out of the mist. I jumped into the back seat — but there was no driver. A disembodied hand appeared out of the fog to steer the car as it moved without making a sound. I sat there, rigid with fear. Finally, I saw this bar through the fog. I jumped out, ran for my life, and here I am.”
The bartender nodded sympathetically. Then two men walked into the bar, looked around, and one said, “Hey, there’s the idiot who jumped into our car while we were pushing it!”
Alfred's Serif Users' Forums → General Discussion → Your jokes
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